My dog, Deuce, pees when I put on his leash. Without fail. I call him over to take him out and do his business, and he does his business on my floor. He can't wait 22 seconds.
I am not a bad dog owner. BUT... (please don't judge): for the last year, Deuce had his leash on all the time. He dragged it behind him. Sometimes he got stuck underneath the couch and it was actually quite comical. And I'm not abusive! I promise.
One week ago God thought He'd try to teach me a lesson. [Still figuring out what it is. It has to do with patience.] After several "encouragements" from friends and family, I looked down at him and thought, "God, can you please stop Deuce from peeing whenever I put his leash on?" Because I'm apt to believe that God does care about the little things in our lives--the things that don't quite make sense when you think about them against the power of the cross? I believe He still cares about the miniscule parts of our lives.
So a little voice in my head peacefully whispered, "Take his leash off." So I did. And here the story begins. Pictures to come.
Day 1, the day I must have lost my mind
Morning
Does God answer prayer? I tried to hook that leash on him so kindly, gently, and calmly, and ended up with three spots. Big spots. Starting by the chaise lounge and working all the way to the front door. He trickles as he goes. My floor is covered with bi-folded napkins. I want to kick him across the room. But instead, I give him a loving pat and out the door we go. My first day on my hands and knees (maybe God's trying to teach me something deeper). I am determined to work this out.
Afternoon
I come home to find him loose and eagerly awaiting my arrival. I am calm as possible because I read the articles online that say, you should keep your voice low and even, and let the dog come to YOU. So I do, and there's just a little puddle. You know what? Better than the morning. We are progressing :)
Evening
I worked late tonight, and after working a 13-hour day, I don't necessarily desire to clean up dog pee. And praise God--because Deuce does Nothing. Not even a spot. Is he really improving? Is this all it was going to take? I don't want to get my hopes up because I think that may not be smart...
Day 2, Tradition Wins Out
All three times: one puddle. Not too big. But he trickles; it's amazing. He walks and pees at the same time. He's like a clumsy multi-tasker. And when he's finally done, he licks himself where he hit on his legs. The dog can't aim. And for some reason--I'm not sure if it's because he feels bad or seriously likes it which is gross--he wants to lick the mess off the floor. I keep telling him no. That tongue licks my hands sometimes--ewwwww.
Speaking of which, I've washed my hands a lot in the last two days. They're starting to dry out.
Day 4, Getting Creative?
My 6' x 3.5' mirror, hanging 5' up on my wall, is falling off my wall. I discovered it yesterday while having my quiet time--God sure does reveal a lot during those times. So my new friend Danielle came over and took a look-see to try and figure out if we could do anything, and her dad, who is a contractor, came over today and fixed it.
I was at work, however, so she just got my key and then brought it back when they were finished. And guess what? She cleaned up my dog's pee. He peed when she was playing with him. My friends are carrying the burden too!
It's starting to get monotonous. Today I started to think about the commercial to go along with my "adventure:"
Minutes spent per day cleaning up dog pee: 25 (average)
Hours worked late into the afternoon because you were late for work: 2
Minutes spent in the grocery store picking out the right cleaning product: 20
Seconds it takes to walk down the stairs to the pee spot: 22
Owning a dog that doesn't pee when you put his leash on: Timeless
There are some things only time can fix; until then, there are napkins.
Day 5, Too Tired
Call me gross. I ran six miles tonight. I found out I may have exercise-induced asthma. I didn't want to clean up Deuce's pee tonight. He went a little. I left the napkins there overnight. I am getting really tired of this. It's wearing on me. Will he ever stop? Seriously. I'm sorry if this is gross. I used cleaner twice the next morning.
... When, of course, Deuce decided to pee on my beautiful clothes I was already wearing for work. My favorite blue jeans: soiled. My pretty, silky top: soiled. How much later I was for work because I had to create a new outfit in a rush: 10 minutes (I don't think it's possible for me to create a new outfit in a rush).
Day 6, The Day I Cried
Morning
I've been trying somehow to relate this experience with Deuce to my faith journey in some way. No matter how much we pee on God's floor, He always takes us back. He loves us unconditionally. When we're stupid and never get it right, He is so patient.
But I'm having problems because... do I love Deuce as much as God loves me? No way, Jose. He's just a dog. A freaking dog. And he keeps me company. And he's my little protector. And he's fun to be around. But he's a DOG. And when I have to cover MY WHOLE FREAKING entryway floor with napkins because he decided not only to accident, trickle, then relieve himself completely on my floor, I don't really care too much for furry animals that can't think or take care of themselves.
If this doesn't stop soon, I'm going to be spending more money on napkins than on dog food. grrrr.
Why did I decide to do this?
Afternoon, the day I was intelligent
I am advancing: I bought paper towels today. And pet odor removal.
I had a surprise when I came home today: Deuce had taken every single bag laying by the door (that I had been using to clean up his soiled napkins), ripped them open, and had chewed up napkins and plastic bags all over my entryway and living room.
Am I really this dumb?
Little improvement: when I put his leash on for his afternoon walk, it was only one spot. A little one. I cleaned it up with paper towels.
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